In the short time i have been activist i have seen many incredible statements made about adoption from either side of the fence. here i will attempt to look at such statements and what has been considered home truths and show that no one side of this very important topic has a clean set of hands.
"The fact that a adopted will have two parents to love her". from Adoption benefits website. This is a major fallacy. time and time again we have discovered over the decades that there is no guarantee that the adoptive parents will be able to provide the love and support that a child prematurely removed from it mother who has provided sustenance for 9 months needs and desperately requires. in fact honest adoptive parents admit that the love they have for their adopted child is different to the love they have for natural children.
" Only the mothers can teach adoptees about adoption and the suffering" unknown but from many mothers and i have paraphrased . A mother can teach us about their own personal history and the anguish they have suffered. but they have , except in rare cases, no experience whatsoever in being an adoptee. They do not know what the adoptee has suffered , lived loved and maybe had nightmares about. They only know about their lives and how it has affected them and the pain they have suffered. it is also incorrect to try to pass some of that pan onto the adoptee who has very real and very different issues of their own.
"The fight for justice in relation to the past and forced adoption practises is a triumph for the warrior women" Lizzy Howard and many other which i have paraphrased. Approximately half the adoptions in this country have been male children and babies. Therefore it is logical to say that it is not a feminist fight or battle it is a fight for all affected by adoption. And what about the fathers whom many mothers write about in very derogatory tones, except for the few disciples. They have often been portrayed as brutish animals who left the poor innocent in the lurch. yes in many cases that may be but no one knows for sure. he may have been forced to move or break off contact under many threats both physical and legal. So it is a fallacy to describe it as a female issue even though it appears that most men are driven from the struggle by the rhetoric and anti male sentiments.
"Adoption benefits the birth mother because it grants her the second chance to achieving an education and fulfilling her goals" Where are the statistics to prove this. How many actually went back and graduated at the potential they showed prior to having the baby adopted. No statistics just a feel good statement to con the naive. Adoption will live with a young mother for the rest of her life. she may move on and fulfil her goals but one thing will always be missing from her life and no feel good statements can ever erase that fact.
"Adoptees have been brainwashed and suffer the Stockholm syndrome" again a radicals general put down to adoptees who express their own opinions. This statement implies we are all Manchurian candidates ready to do evil in the world. Adoptees are brilliant survivors and we have done that and adapted into the environment into which we were thrown.That is not brainwashing that is showing flexibility to adapt. Brainwashing is the taking of a person with defined views and facts and changing that as was attempted by the north Koreans. A baby has no formed views and facts except the removal from their safe environment , their mother, and placed in a strangers arms . babies adapt and learn and make many decisions when they grow up that shows immense free will.
"Most veto's in place is adoptees is because their adoptive parents forced them to" paraphrasing again common statements. This is the biggest insult that could be placed at the feet of a adult adoptee. it implies that they are unable to have their own free will and are unable to exercise their own free choice. Most adoptees i know have very independent free wills and are now speaking out. to say some fragile old 70 or 80 year old person still influences their decisions in life . yes i agree most adoptees put off searching until their adoptive parents have passed away. but that is not out of lack of free will.it is a result of free will to not upset the people, now elderly who have been their parents.
So there are many more i could enter up but would take up all my space. i may come back to this topic again.adoptees have a right to question all views about them and to challenge anyone who pushes mantra and rhetoric. adoptees are free and proud people not to be silenced