Saturday, 20 June 2015
MUSINGS OF AN ADOPTEE WHO THINKS OUTSIDE THE NORM
Many people may wonder why i am so opposed to removing adoption from the world completely. in general especially with my generations in Australia it is linked directly with the forced adoption and many of those fears has driven people to be completely dogmatic and view the issue as black and white not the different shades of grey that i see. There are many reasons why tend to take a broader approach and this is a short list:
My younger brother was never adopted but raised with us under a guardianship order. After visits with his father on the few weekends he saw him, he would return home very distressed and often had issues with bodily functions for a while after such visits.
My mother could not handle meeting and i believe by leaving her alone to keep her normality did remove any stress by some one "who is not her son stalking her" and helped to extend her life in peace.
On the other hand by using Adoption services Tasmanian as the middle person , I was able to meet my father, who i had traced and whilst it was for only 13 months, they say i extended his life.
I did not tell my Adoptive Mother when i found out I was adopted back in 1984 for five years, but the fear in her eyes when I did tell her is still in minds eye. I reassured this lovely elderly lady that it did not matter (but it did). She passed away 12 months later.
Contrary to what many think any adoption process is different in so many ways. In fact there are so many combinations that to put a blanket abolition of adoption is tantamount to deny people any choice. That is contrary to what a democracy is today.A lady with a unplanned pregnancy must be given choices given any circumstances and these choices are made sometimes with great distress everyday:
should i have abortion
Should i give the baby up for adoption
should I keep the child
I would not dare advise a lady on any of these. They are her choices, not some ideologically fruitcakes choice because they pissed in the ear of a unthinking politician. We have encouraged people to get out of the way of people wanting abortions, so why is it so difficult to keep out of the way of someone whose beliefs exclude abortion so adoption is the only option they consider. I know some will say she has no choice but here in Australia we encourage them to keep their child so in fact she is exercising her choice. The state has adoption laws to ensure the child is not commodified by fancy lawyers and to ensure the child go to a suitable family with the minimal chance of abuse happening. In Victoria in 2012/13 there were 46 local adoptions the majority babies under 5. But no some of these self styled experts prefer to have that baby with someone who does not want it and who knows where that would lead. Talk about Big Brother
Now lets think about the known adoptions which NSW uses. Here we are talking about children who have been with long time foster carers for a lengthy time, In limbo waiting for their parents to actually become responsible citizens. Should that child usually over 5 have to wait for their entire childhood in limbo or should there be a line in the sand. If the child wants to be legal member of that family how dare some people who have a narrow mindset prevent such happenings. Do you hate children because it seems like you do by not respecting their desires. How dare you!!!!
Then there is the stepfather adoptions. Why cant a child be adopted by a stepfather, which cant happen without the consent of the father if they are alive. Again how dare you dictate.
There are so many other situations from adoption by extended family, persons saying they are the father on the birth certificate knowing they are not but willing to accept the child as their own, stepmother adoptions. There are so many scenarios its impossible to list. So if these people wee to think outside the square, use some of their braincells not their hearts to think outside their own dogmatic position just maybe they will understand the complexities of all this.With adoption the child will be able to enjoy some stability which may have been lacking, the family has a child for life regardless of any breakdown that may or may not occur. They are part of that family for life and today they never lose who they initially are so heritage is no longer a issue. The family can move around the country and overseas without going through hoops that permanent care/guardianship's order would entail. They have autonomy. The child is automatically in the inheritance list but not on the original parents list. That is way it should be, NO double dipping. Yes there will always be a cost, a cost borne by every child that has to be separated from original family. but with today's open records it would be easy to determine any inherited mental health and physical issues and they can be sorted out and treated from day one thus minimising any issues. we now know from the Danes and the swedes that many issues that persons removed have can also be tracked back to their original parents unlike the faulty USA style research which does not look at the bigger and longer picture.
I have not looked at international adoption because that is again ore complicated and i leave that to people like Lynelle Long to deal.
AS a Late Discovery Adoptee, I have a different perspective on life and adoption. And twenty years in the military, working for many years in a working class hotels and then doing door to door research interviewing has allowed me to view things from may different aspects. People have called me a latecomer to activism, not a true adoptee because i did not know of my adoption.. Everybody has their own truth about their adoption and whilst may be a faulty truth it is theirs. but facts never lie and those who try to ignore them are narcissists . The truth about my adoption seems to change every day but the facts surrounding my adoption never has. it is time for the hardliners to realise that the truth they sprout may not necessarily be the facts and is definitely not some other persons truth .