AM I AN ANGRY OLD MAN? YOU BETCHA I AM BLOODY ANGRY

Many people have often commented that under my resolve there is a angry man inside that gets out and creates havoc. It has always been that way with me fro a very early age. Knowing now that this is part of the Dysthymia I was recently diagnosed with, does give me comfort but does not help me manage that anger.  Most time i direct that anger to create a positive outlook but just occasionally a trigger is introduced which because i had opened up my heart to the wrong people whilst trying to fit into the "group" in the last half decade, many who despise me freely use such triggers. like Scientology and other cultish religions they will use what ever information they have on you to cut one down to size so that you know their place in the pecking order. The problem is i have never known my place in any pecking order.

Yes I am angry that my grandmother and the Salvo's saw fit to sell me like a piece of meat
Yes i am angry that my adoptive parents purchased me
Yes i am angry they never told me I was adopted
Yes i am angry that i was gang bashed as a 11 year on my first week away from home and had to go and cry in a hotel room by myself
Yes i am angry that I had to fight a person three years my senior at high school so that the city kids knew i was not going to be bullied.
Yes i am angry that at 16 years of age i would sleep under a brothel on weekends rather than go back to the farm
Yes i am angry that a sleazy old insurance rep tried to hit upon me under the pretence of driving lessons when i was still 16. He found out i was not going to be easily taken
Yes i am angry I was adopted and never found out
Yes I am angry that a 11 year old boy died in my arms when i was 18, a life snuffed out so early
Yes i a angry at people who fail to tell the complete truth about their adoption experiences and are led down the garden path by those with specific agendas
Yes I am angry at the small cadre of people who tried to destroy the right of adoptees to be heard
yes i get angry when adoptees  and their legitimate needs are ignored
yes i get angry when some mothers till resent the fact that we supposedly intruded on their game
yes i get angry when I think of all the lies and falsehood that surrounded my life for so long
yes i get angry when people deliberately try to tear me down because they resent my legitimate views
yes i get angry at the fact that i have a inherited mental health condition and a inherited medical condition and that one feeds on the other making life a misery sometimes.
yes i get angry about people who professed lifetime friendships but who jump faster than a speeding bullet during the rugged times
Yes I am angry that my mother refused to meet me and i only had 13 short months with my father

Mostly i get angry at what i have no control over and that includes my anger when triggered


BUT  I am also proud.
I am proud of my twenty years service to my country which i love
I am proud that i will never quit no matter what adversity is placed before me
I am proud that i have out of this past forged my own unique identity based upon all my experiences not a past from a some family that had no desire to raise me
I am proud of the fact that my adoptive parents who were typical 1950's working class tried their best to raise me and that they taught me the value of honesty and hard work, something lacking amongst some in the adoption community
I am proud of the fact that may have helped to ensure their was no cash splash to a few activists of adoption justice and that most funding will in some way assist all affected
I am proud of my wife who for the last two years has shown that there are far worst things that can happen in life than being adopted.
I am proud of my children who after having to put up with a angry young father still have to pt up with a angry old father.
I am proud of the life i have led and will continue to lead despite the efforts of some very nasty people who wish i was dead and gone.
I'm proud that i can bring a fact driven basis to the debates on adoption and many other issues because in so many cases facts have been replaced by shady truths

Over all I much to be so proud of. but all my friends please forgive me if someone deliberately creates a trigger that pains and saddens and yes hurts badly and as a result I strike back. That is the nature of my demons. I admit  my demons  . DO YOU!!!!!!!